My Instagram profile: Baker, Craft Maker, Autism Caretaker. That does not, by any means, sum up who I am as a person. But, it does describe a large portion of my days.

Baking is one of my favorite things to do. My mom loves to bake and her mom did, too. Being in the kitchen is usually good therapy for me. Jacob is one of my two resident taste-testers.

Rainbow Cinnamon Rolls had been on my list of things to try for several weeks. Thinking Jacob loves cinnamon rolls and fun colors. So, combining those two, surely I would have a hit on my hands.

I got a late start on the day I planned to bake so it was after 9 o’clock that night before they were ready to sample. Went back to his room, “Jacob, come in the kitchen, I’ve got cinnamon rolls made!” He jumped up and came straight away.

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I had made two small pans. One of mini rolls and one regular size. I cut a couple of the minis into bite-size pieces on his plate. He studied (as in, ‘what is this odd thing you’ve set before me?’), leaned in close to smell, and then …

WALKED AWAY!! What? I was shocked. How could he walk away from a still warm cinnamon roll. And to top it off, multi-colored with sprinkles! Who can resist that?

I surmised that he wasn’t hungry. He just thought he was. That evening, he’d eaten more homemade macaroni and cheese than most could hold in a sitting. So, his dad, begrudgingly, agreed to be the taste tester and gave them a thumbs up.

Okay, that’s alright. He could have them for breakfast the next day.

Being as how, these days, we rarely have to be anywhere first thing in the morning, I let Jacob sleep in. He woke on his own about 9:45. Once he was stirring, I reminded him of the cinnamon rolls. Wasn’t interested. You may remember, there are some days that he rarely eats anything until over in the afternoon. That’s fine, I can deal.

When he did, finally, wander in the kitchen, I said, “here’s you some juice, and warmed cinnamon rolls”. He looked at me like, ‘not again’. I.Am.Serious. What in the world? Surely he wasn’t turning his nose up at homemade rainbow cinnamon rolls? With sprinkles?

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He went to the refrigerator and started to open it. “No, take a bite. I made these and you like cinnamon rolls.” Walked away, again.

At some point he came back in to my same remark. This time, he covered the plate with his Sunday School lesson and a card he’d recently gotten in the mail. And, nicely, handed it to me. Surely not!

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Mike and I were laughing as we ate lunch. What parent says, “you eat all that sugar before you can have anything else to eat!”? Me. That’s who. That is literally what I was doing. Figured I better let it go and let him choose what he wanted to eat (within reason).

Sweet fella, went back to the refrigerator and touched the red beans and sausage. I heated it over rice and he sat down and went to town.

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Two more bowls and he finally had his fill. While the sad cinnamon rolls sat pushed aside feeling all rejected (or maybe that was me), as he chose Three Musketeers for dessert. He was a happy camper. And I, a bewildered baker.

Red Beans and Sausage (as recommended by Jacob)

2 lbs. Smoked sausage
1 bell pepper, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
1/2 cup chopped celery
3 cans kidney beans, drained
1 (8 oz.) can tomato sauce
1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 Tbsp chopped parsley
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1/2 cup water
1 Tbsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp thyme

Cut sausage into 1/4-inch slices. Brown sausage, bell pepper, onion, and celery until vegetables are tender. Add one can of kidney beans to crock pot and mash. Add browned sausage, vegetables and remaining ingredients and stir. Cover and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours. Serve over hot rice.

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I am seriously thrilled when Jacob enjoys anything I prepare. Always striving to keep my #1 customer and taste-tester satisfied! I even baked another batch thinking maybe the colors were so dark they weren’t appetizing. I was determined to win him over.

Rainbow Cinnamon Roll recipe: @thepurplecupcake_

Follow me on IG: @tereldaisterripig and @tereldasthreads

It didn’t happen.

Problem Free Philosophy marks its 100th post today! Pull out the streamers and cut the cake!!! YAY!

I got a WordPress renewal notice last week to continue for two more years. Hmmmmmmm…. decisions, decisions.

For quite some time, I used Facebook as a platform to share our lives. Funny things. Hard things. Happy and sad things. Not for accolades but as a way of explanation, of transparency, of truth.

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As a way to peek into our lives. Into one family’s autism journey. Good or bad, we have really sheltered Jacob. Outside of our special needs community, few people know him, have ever seen him, and weren’t aware of his existence. One of my big regrets is not exposing Jacob to more experiences and more people. Instead, I let the awkwardness and the unknown steal memory-making moments from our family. We’ll never know how things would be different if I’d been braver.

We find ourselves at an odd place in our lives right now. In many ways, every day is the same as the day before. Jacob has been home for six months. In the past, a lot of my stories were current to what happened at his day program. Now, we don’t know what day of the week it is! Or, when he’ll return to that daily schedule.

In October 2018 I began to tell our story. Reflection is good, so I’ll do that. These are just some of the blog reactions that stand out, some repeated by multiple people:

“I had no idea.”

“I have a reminder set, every Thursday, to read the blog. It is really good and has given me a lot of insight.”

“Your blog touches my heart strings.”

“You need to write a book.”

“Your blog about insecurities is exactly what every new (and experienced) mom and dad needs to read!”

“I love today’s story and can relate!”

“Your blog entries are always inspirational, heart warming, as well as educational for me.”

“Snack. Eat. Snack. Jacob and I have been doing the same thing.”

“Jacob’s got a friend that loves him.”

“I’m sure every special needs child’s mom has gone through something like that one way or the other.”

“Jacob has a way of getting someone’s attention!”

“You have opened my eyes to living with autism.”

“You speak to my heart through all your blog entries! Today you spoke through a MEGAPHONE!” “So powerful.”

“That was just what I needed to hear.”

“If you’d consider putting these in a book form, we’d like to help fund.”

“Even though life is a different journey for me, I’m always encouraged by your story.”

“I think there is an insecure button in us that only we can push and it is up to us to take charge of our insecurities and put a cover on that button.”

“You and Mike are so blessed with a full on Prayer Army!”

“Jacob is GREAT!”

“There are moms and dads that need to hear your joys, as well as your struggles.”

“I’ve gotten to know so much about Jacob. Things I had no idea about!”

“I love reading about the funny things that Jacob does.”

“Thank you for being real. People need to understand it isn’t always easy.”

“I look forward to these every week.”

“You are right where God wants you to be.”

“My heart melted and my eyes are leaking.”

“I love hearing about Jacob.”

“Well, I cried thru that post. Thank you for being so transparent.”

“You were chosen. Much respect.”

“I love that God has given you the ability to laugh in the midst of tremendous frustration.”

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Every week, someone comments on the blog, sends me a text, or comments on Jacob’s Problem Free Philosophy Facebook page some encouraging word that fuels me to keep going. Those above are just a few.

This blog does many things and one is that it makes me look for the positive. It makes me evaluate the negatives. It makes me more vulnerable to criticism. And, creates a self-imposed pressure to churn out a new post every week. It also makes Jacob more visible even though he’s been home for six months.

When Jacob’s Mamaw passed away in July, a long-time friend called me, “Jacob hasn’t been around me much, but I would be happy to come stay with him to help you out.” Would that selfless offer have been made if she hadn’t read approximately ninety Problem Free Philosophy posts? Probably so. She’s that kind of friend. Did having learned little bits and pieces about Jacob make her more confident that she could manage? I like to think so.

This blog became my sharing platform and without knowing it, you help write the posts. Thank you.

For as long as I can remember Sunday was unlike any other day of the week. Mike and I were brought up by Christian parents who were intentional about taking our families to church. Typically we were there Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and back on Wednesday evening. And that is how we raised our family as well.

Then slowly things began to change. Jacob could cause a rukus in a worship service so we’ve always had someone stay with him in another area of the church or our home. In the last couple of years, we might have made it to church two Sundays a month because it became more difficult to find a consistent person to give us those few hours weekly.

Worshipping shoulder to shoulder with your brothers and sisters in Christ is one of the most beautiful experiences on earth. When that is not possible you become resourceful. The capability to livestream a service into our home is a blessing not to be taken for granted. Something generations before us didn’t have and probably couldn’t have even imagined.

Search the web and you can find sermons and Bible studies by every pastor imaginable and every subject. We have so much at our fingertips! Don’t miss out on what God has to say to you through His word delivered in hundreds of different ways.

Mike and I tuned in to our pastor delivering a sermon via livestream recently while Jacob played happily in his room. Listening to music, bouncing on his bed, and having a grand time. The only problem was as our pastor started speaking, “I want to ask you to turn in your Bible to John, Chapter 21”, Jacob’s music got louder and louder:

Uh, huh, She loves the monkey’s uncle,
Yeah, yeah, She loves the monkey’s uncle,
Whoa, whoa, She loves the monkey’s uncle,
And the monkey’s uncle’s ape for me!

I had a lot of trouble that day concentrating as my thoughts were competing with the monkey’s uncle. But isn’t that life? Things distract us. Find a way to focus! Which often means putting in earbuds. Sometimes it means watching a replay later.

Sunday’s aren’t the same as they were but we are making the best of them. Last February, ‘Zoom’ meant to increase the font size of a document or what an airplane does! By mid-March, we were accessing Bible Study by Zoom or sharing life with friends via a weekly Zoom meeting.

Last Sunday one of Jacob’s Sunday School teachers called, “Hey Terri, I’ve got M on the phone and we want to sing Jacob’s favorite song to him”. Only problem was that Jacob was still sound asleep. We set up for them to try again later and at 11:30 Jacob got a phone call. Mrs. J played the piano and M led a group of special friends, who live in a group home setting, in singing Swing Low, Sweet Chariot to Jacob.

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In all his years attending the Special Ministries class, when they’d sing that song, he would twirl and smile. Hum and sing in his own way. They all knew it was his favorite. That morning he sat still on his bed and listened. He reached for the phone. There was no twirling and I didn’t catch a smile but you better believe, he loved it. He clapped as he was transported back to Sunday like it used to be.

We are in a new normal and don’t know what the future holds. We do know who holds the future and even if we aren’t able to worship in the same ways as before, we are making sense of Sunday by taking advantage of all the many wonderful ways to connect.

The Through the Woods post last week, https://problemfreephilosophy.blog/2020/08/13/through-the-woods/, ended with Jacob not wanting to leave. He was so glad to be at Granny and Granddaddy’s. The day went by too fast. He hadn’t been there long enough. He likes it best when their home isn’t filled with all the aunts, uncles, and cousins.

I resorted to a bribe to get him off the couch, “if you get up, we’ll get hamburgers on the way home”. I grabbed his cup of orange juice and diluted it with water to give him something to drink in the van. It’s his preferred cup with a spout top. Not spill proof, but a good solution. The bribe worked and we were soon on our way.

When we are travelling, I’m often checking him in the backseat mirror. As I watched, he took a drink and then sat the cup across from him on the ledge. What was I thinking? Mistake #1 was giving him juice instead of water in a moving vehicle. Several times I told him to put the cup in the cup holder. I could just imagine the cup sliding and sticky juice going everywhere. I switched from asking him to put it in the cup holder to asking him to hand me the cup. He looked at me as if I was speaking a foreign language and refused.

I decided to crawl over the console and take the cup. That was Mistake #2! Don’t report me but I unbuckled to get the cup that was teetering on the edge.

As I reached for the cup, Jacob reached for my arm and pulled me toward him. Alrighty, Mistake #3 in progress—I sat by him. Didn’t have much choice so I buckled up. One of our hard realities is that no one can ride near or beside Jacob in a vehicle. Oh that we could go back to the days of us riding like a ‘normal’ family. His place is alone on the third row of our van. It works except for when it doesn’t.

Okay, fine, I could ride the rest of the way home sitting by him. Obviously he wanted me there as he wouldn’t let go. Obviously he wanted me to go back where I came from because he was intent on causing trouble.

I am not exaggerating when I say it felt like I was sharing the seat with an octopus!! How can Jacob’s two arms appear to be 6 or 8? He was bent on pulling my arms, clothing, and hair. It sounds crazy but it is impossible to escape him with his arm down the back of my shirt. Mike asked if I wanted him to pull over. He was watching arms flying and helpless to intercede. We were on the interstate and I was determined to manage until we got home.

Because I knew what could happen, I quickly undid my necklace and set it aside. Lesson from the past with broken necklaces! Mistake #4, I didn’t remove my bracelet. He grabbed, it snapped, and I was mad! I reached to take off my earrings realizing I was already missing one.

It was 25 minutes of misery. And as angry as I was at him, I was more overwhelmed with sadness. How did we get here? What makes him react to me, or anyone, being in his space?

I’ve promised fast food burgers before because it’s something he enjoys. I had every intention of keeping that promise. Until, I couldn’t reward him for the behavior he exhibited before we arrived home.

We were frazzled but lived to tell about it! I learned from Mistake #1. There is no reason for him to have anything but water when on the road. I think I’ll remember that. The broken bracelet was repaired quite easily with my handy needle-nose pliers. Mike found the missing earring in the stow-away floorboard.

A few days later we went on a long ride and he was perfect. And, we got him hamburgers while we were out.

That brings me to, Mistake #5 – I accidentally published this post on the ninth of August. As I created this story I went to save and set a August 20th publish date, and I clicked the wrong button!! I try to work ahead and have a couple of posts ready to go. That doesn’t always happen but it helps me to compose and then mull it over. I usually edit quite a bit between the creation and going live.

I was so aggravated with yours truly. In almost a hundred posts, it is the second time I posted before I was ready. But this one needed to follow last week’s. Unfortunately, this one had a sad undertone, a true example of living with autism.

But know this, I’m not in the habit of pointing out all the mistakes I’ve made. You know how on Facebook and Instagram, we show our ‘best side’? Right. While the mistakes listed here weren’t catastrophic, they added up to a frustrating total. Thank the Lord I am not the sum of my mistakes. His grace covers me and reminds me tomorrow is a new day. Learn from mistakes and move on. I learned a lot that day. It’d be nice if sharing my mistakes helps someone, too.

Please understand that as crummy as part of that ride was, it didn’t ruin the trip. The visit was fantastic.

And, the ending became it’s own post.

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Open the gate and to The Woods,
To Granny and Granddaddy’s house we go.
GPS knows the way to take us there,
It’s gonna be great, we know!

We were overdue for a visit. As soon as we got the van loaded , I told Jacob we were going to Granny and Granddaddy’s. He could not get to the door fast enough to head out. Obviously pretty happy about our destination.

Upon arrival he got out quickly and began exploring. He needed to get out of our house and this was the perfect place to do his thing. Whatever thing he felt like doing!

He pulled stuff out of the closet. Toys, linens, whatever was of interest.

He opened cabinets and drawers. Looking for treasures, magazines, candy, who knows?

He pulled things out in their office. Being most interested in a stack of blank DVDs. They were either tempting to spin or surely held some wonderful content.

He got all nosey in their bedroom. Curious to see what Granddaddy keeps in his nightstand. And, although I didn’t get a picture, he got down and looked under their bed. Granny and I were cracking up!

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He stayed busy going from room to room seeing what he could find. He ate all the snacks brought from home and some of Granny’s, too.

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He found the photo albums. That’s like winning the lottery to Jacob. He LOVES thumbing through pictures. At one point he probably had six albums opened and spread across the floor. Evidence of not getting to do that often enough. Look closely at the photos of him and Granny where you can see into the den and all the open doors!

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He made Granny and Granddaddy happy with his antics and obvious pleasure. It made me happy to be there. We had lunch together and it was fabulous. Hominy Casserole, Cream Peas, Fried Green Tomatoes, Homemade Sour Dough Bread, and Fresh Peach Dessert (ripe peaches, angel food cake, peach jello, and cool whip). #familycookbook Granny and I were a team frying up those Green Tomatoes. Oh.My.Goodness. You need some of these in your life.

This isn’t a cooking blog but I’m gonna share this recipe. They are that good. And, why not?

FRIED GREEN TOMATOES

3 medium green tomatoes
1 egg, lightly beaten
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup all-purpose flour, divided
1/2 cup cornmeal
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
cooking oil

Slice tomatoes into 1/4-inch slices. Discard ends.
Combine egg and buttermilk; set aside. Combine 1/4 cup flour, cornmeal, salt, and pepper in a shallow dish.
Dredge tomato slices in remaining 1/4 cup flour, dip in egg mixture, and dredge in cornmeal mixture.
Pour oil to a depth of 1/4-inch in an electric skillet; heat to 375 degrees. Carefully place tomatoes in hot oil and cook 2 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Drain on rack over paper towels. #familycookbook

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Jacob wouldn’t go near them but that was fine by me.

After a morning of exploring, he relaxed on the office couch. And fell asleep! Told you he was busy. We let him sleep a while but finally had to wake him up to head home. He was determined not to get up off that couch. Pushed me away. Squeezed his eyes shut. Got up to appease me, only to run back and stretch out again. Little rascal. NOT ready to go home.

It’s gonna be great we know!

And, we were right!

In some ways, Jacob is very much like a child. And in some ways, he is like a typical teenage guy.

How you ask?

He likes loud music. Not necessarily the genre that most teens might like, but he likes it LOUD!

He has odd eating habits. Healthy choices aren’t of interest to him.

Usually needs a shave.

He’s content wearing the same thing for 4 days in a row.

He likes to sleep in.

He can be rude to his parents. Wait. WHAT????? Surely, not Jacob.

I’m sure not suggesting that all teenagers are rude. Or, that rudeness only comes from that age bracket. We know that isn’t so!

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He will insist, with urgency, that we come to his room. Upon getting there, he will quickly close the door in our face. YES. HE. DOES. Rude, but actually funny at the same time. It happens fairly often, too. He’s trying to make a point that can probably have multiple meanings.

Sometimes though, we are needed. It may be to plug up music. Or turn on a lamp. Or change batteries. Or maybe adjust the speed or turn off the ceiling fan. When we have completed the tasks, he is quick to show us the door.

He is not partial to only us when it comes to being rude. I know, right?

Anyone who has been in our home, for any length of time, and ventured into Jacob’s bedroom, has experienced him showin’ you the door. Some are lucky enough to stay longer than others.

We have learned to tell new sitters, not to take it personally, but that he doesn’t want them to sit in his room. That’s not why he has a nice comfy chair. You are allowed to come in, but when your service has been rendered, he will show you the door.

Friends may want to stop in to see Jacob. Thinking they’ll sit in his room and chat a little. Before long, he is showin’ them the door.

If it’s someone he loves, a family member, sitter, or long time friend, he may offer his cheek for you to kiss him. But, he is just being polite before showin’ you the door!

Years ago, our youngest granddaughter was staying with us and at some point, she said, “Nannie, I need you to go out and close the door. I need my privacy.” At the time, ’privacy’ seemed like a really big word for such a little girl. But, she knew she wanted to be alone.

Indeed, Jacob’s way of saying, ‘I need my privacy’ is showin’ you (and us) the door!

And everyone deserves their privacy!!

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At Jacob’s last dental check-up, the hygienist discovered a cracked tooth and quickly pointed it out to us.

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(Mike and I are on either side of Jacob during any dental visit. https://problemfreephilosophy.blog/2019/01/10/sentenced-to-the-dentist/) A gentle tap resulted in part of the tooth breaking off. There was no reaction from him, indicating it didn’t hurt. Wouldn’t you agree from the photo above? He was chillin’!!

When the dentist checked him though, she decided a x-ray was in order to determine the next course of action. Jacob was wrapped snug on a board, so it made the most sense to keep him secure and move him to the machine. Literally, all hands on deck, we picked him up and carried him through the office for the x-ray.

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He was a trooper even though it probably seemed like a wild ride!

The decision was made that the best course of action would be to extract the tooth. That was almost 6 months ago. Circumstances caused us to postpone the appointment twice. Not even once did he appear to be bothered by the broken tooth. Had he been, we would have gotten an appointment for him ASAP.

The day came when we couldn’t put it off any longer. Although, I acted cool, calm, and collected, because I didn’t want Jacob to sense my concern, I wasn’t on the inside! It was an act. Unfortunately, it was a tooth where a root canal had been done many years before. It wasn’t as if we could sit down, wiggle the tooth, and expect it pop out like a baby tooth. No, it was much more complicated than that.

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Jacob started out really great. However, before it was over, he pretty much freaked out. I cannot think of much worse than watching your child have to go through something hard. Helpless to mainly watch, Mike and I looking at each other, over Jacob, with pain in our eyes. Knowing he is wondering when will this end?!?! Oh, that one of us could have taken his place. I felt like freaking out, too.

For such a procedure, it took everybody coordinating efforts to get the job done. Starting with us at home, giving an initial sedative before the appointment. All hands on deck, once again, with professionals bending over backwards to make it as painless as possible for Jacob. Two physicians along with their assistants. With two parents looking over their shoulders. What doctor welcomes that? These do as they realize Jacob needs us. Even so, I wouldn’t like it if I were in their place.

I have no doubt that every single person that God placed in our path that day served a purpose in the success of the necessary work. At one point when it wasn’t going as smoothly and quickly as we hoped, I texted my family and zoom friends asking for prayers. They became part of the ‘all hands’ group.

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The oral surgeon warned of bleeding, soreness, swelling, and bruising. Suggested an ice pack (which would have only been possible had he come home heavily sedated). She was correct about the bleeding. Not to get graphic, but he doesn’t have the mindset to catch a bleed so it gets all over him, us, bedroom, everything.

So thankful Mike and I are a team. Even though we wish doctors, dentists, and oral surgeons made house calls, we have each other to be there for Jacob. It is a gift to be able to offer reassurance, that we are nearby, by talking and singing to him. And while I believe that we are a comfort, it’s still really hard to watch.

He slept a lot that afternoon, which was timely since the numbness would be wearing off. Had trouble eating and drinking at first. An ice cream sandwich finally did the trick. He was pampered with lots of room service.

That night he slept much better than I did. It felt like I watched him on the monitor all night! Around 4 AM he was really squirming and I was prepared to go in but he finally got still and fell back into a deep sleep. Pain meds every four hours helped a lot.

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Early the morning after, I went to a local bakery and bought two dozen-donut holes. It’s a favorite treat that he doesn’t get often. Fresh and super soft, they almost melt in your mouth. He was pumped when he realized what I bought. I pinched them in half and he slowly ate 24 donut holes! You read that right. Twenty-four!

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His day got off to a good start as far as we were all concerned! He was hesitant to eat much the rest of that day and for several days. His Granny said he was holding out for more donut holes!!

Today marks four weeks later. Initially, he had a tiny bit of swelling and no bruising. He appeared to be sore for maybe a couple of weeks. I still notice him moving food around in his mouth sometimes. It was a doozy as procedures go. Glad I hadn’t realized beforehand exactly what we would face.

But more than that, I am extremely thankful that it was the hand of God that guided all of those ‘hands on deck’, in the different roles they played, as they cared for my boy and served our family.

“Don’t play with your food.” How many times did we say that to our kiddos? I’m sure I did more than once or twice.

But, I am often entertained at Jacob playing with his. I don’t know that it’s intentional, but I do know that he enjoys it. And, I enjoy his creations.

He makes me smile. A lot.

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There is something fun about balancing stuff on watermelons!

Once when we were out of town, Jacob’s sitter sent me this picture. Cracks me up. What was he thinking? Not sure why the one muffin on top. Decorative purposes? Couldn’t fit inside?

Oops! Accidental food art caused by Jacob opening a box of cereal. Accidental art is a thing, right?

Always fold cheese toast in half and take first bite from the middle.

Goodness, he is my heart.

Love his creativity. Love him more.

Hope he brought a smile to your face, too!

In January, the blog post, Picked by God (https://problemfreephilosophy.blog/2020/01/09/god-picks/), featured Jacob’s grandmother, referred to as Mamaw. I referenced what a tough time she’d been through recently. A couple of weeks ago, one of the aides that helped take care of her said she knew Mrs P was declining when she didn’t respond to her, ‘see ya later alligator’ with an ‘after ‘while crocodile’.

Last week, on Jacob’s birthday, she took her last earthly breath. It had been 13 months since an early morning fall in her kitchen, resulted in broken vertebrae in her back. From that point on, she never returned to her home, never stood on her own, never made her famous potato salad or deviled eggs. Never, never, never. Her life took a drastic turn. And she went through terribly hard times we’d never wish on her or anyone.

But today, I want to focus on the wonderful life she lived!

A friend once said that flowers and words are for the living. A year and a half ago, I wrote this poem for her birthday. To take the opportunity to say what I could, while I could:

In just 30 years I’ll be your age.
By then, you will have been in heaven for many days.
Before you go, whether today or years from now,
Thank you for being the best mother-in-law since I took the vow.
Your spirit of fun in all you do.
The crazy times, oh I didn’t have a clue.
Remember Lauri asking how to spell my name?
T-e-r-r-i-b-l-e, you told her without shame.
Your big pots of spaghetti were always a hit.
We looked forward to those times, I admit.
Quick to offer to keep our boys,
And you never seemed to mind all the noise.
A generous heart with all you had,
Giving to others made you glad.
Your green thumb was a natural gift,
Transforming your yard so beautiful and swift.
Moving furniture around was a favorite thing to do,
Not sure Mr. P enjoyed it nearly as much as you.
You were good at painting a room or even the ceiling,
Although that paint spill in the den left a bad feeling.
Of all the endearing, special traits you display
Your laughter is one that can brighten any day.
Another year older Momma Louise,
Won’t you have a good birthday, please?

This week I shared the poem at her funeral but subbed the following lines for the last two:

My heart is sad, now that you’re gone.
Thankful for the promise that I’ll see you before long.

The last time Jacob saw his Mamaw was in December. On Christmas day, we took him to visit her in the nursing home. She was very glad to see him. It was hard for me to figure out how Jacob felt about it though. Mainly because he’d never seen her in a bed. Never seen her ‘look’ sick. I’m sure it was a little confusing for him. It was a visit we were uncertain about, but glad we chose to take him.

Oh, how she loved Jacob. She had a digital photo frame that stayed on her bedside table. Her eyes would literally light up at pictures of Jacob. Always asked us how he was doing. Quick to explain, she couldn’t really say he was her favorite because she loved all of her grandchildren. BUT, he was extra special.

Jacob knew her love for him was deep and wide. Without expecting anything in return. Mamaw was ‘for him’ and did indeed delight in his existence.

It was extremely sad for me that she passed away on his birthday. Quickly, Mike said, “well I think it proves one thing, he was her favorite”. I’d agree that he was that day for sure.

How we will miss that sincere, unconditional love. But, oh how thankful we are that she is more alive than ever because of her faith in Jesus Christ. And Jacob will see her again one day. We will, too.

See ya later, Mamaw! We’ll see you after ‘while.

Special addition birthday update: Thank you so very, very much for celebrating Jacob with us! His day started with mini sprinkle cinnamon rolls –

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Last year, Mike found this song and downloaded through Amazon Music. I can’t give anyone credit other than it is listed as Hip-Hop Personalized Birthday Songs by Singing Birthday Card. It’s was fun to play it multiple times for him to twirl and his parents to dance! In your best hip-hop beat, give it a try and continue for three minutes!

Jacob, hap, happy birthday
Jacob, hap, happy birthday
I bet you thought that I forgot this year
But I got you a very special gift this year

Jacob, hap, happy birthday
Jacob, hap, happy birthday
I realized your birth day was near
So I got you a singing birthday card this year

Don’t miss it –
I was chillin’, right?
I was relaxin’, right?
Then I looked up and I got this funny feelin’ right?
Like I was missing something
Like I was forgettin’ something

I shook my head and then my eyes
And figured it was nothing
Then I looked up and saw the calendar on the wall
And for a minute, I could think of nothin’ else at all
In a flash, everything came clear,
It’s your birthday, I won’t forget this year

Awright, I ain’t forgetting, yo
I ain’t regrettin’ yo
I hope you’re ready for the kind of trend I’m setting. yo
Ain’t no exception,
You get a singing birthday card no matter what month it is
So I decided that I’m turning over a new leaf
Being forgotten really causes people too much grief
In time, I got my brain in gear
It’s yo birthday, I’ll still remember next year

Know what I’m saying?
A singing birthday card to you
In your mailbox, addressed to you
Know what I’m sayin?

That’s right, y’all
Singing birthday card!

He loves unwrapping presents so that part was super fun. And fast! Musical toys, a pinata, bed sheets (he lives on his bed and loves, LOVES fun sheets), and a special t-shirt.

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Lasagna was next and he was pretty excited about that and enjoyed two BIG servings!

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He was all about seeing what was inside the pinata. It’s called a pinatagram and had a variety of fun candies. He sampled the Laffy Taffy and decided he liked those best.

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And finally an Ice Cream Sandwich Cake to finish off the spectacular day.

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It’s a good thing his birthday only comes once a year. We’ve had way more chocolate and sprinkles and ice cream and cheesy breakfast pizza and lasagna and it was all his favorite!

Jacob had several calls from friends and family to sing Happy Birthday to him! Two were FaceTime calls which were perfect. All very special. And so many birthday wishes via Facebook. SO. MANY.

Last night, on Jacob’s birthday, we had an unexpected call learning of the passing of his Mamaw. Mike and I had already decided to wait until today for him to go through his cards as we’d had a full, full day and knew he’d might enjoy them more later. That call confirmed that the celebration was over and we’d resume today. I’ll blog more about his sweet Mamaw another time.

This afternoon was time to focus on birthday cards!! Look at all the cards!! Three musical cards! So much fun. So much love. So much everything!

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What a week celebrating with candles and songs and presents and company and calls and messages and favorite food.

We are blessed beyond measure at the love poured on our family. Our boy. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. I think mine might explode.