But I love you.
Ever felt that way? There are days that Jacob just puts me to the test. I’ll do something that obviously he doesn’t like, doesn’t agree with, or just makes him mad and he reacts. Negatively. Can’t make everyone happy all the time. I am bound to get a reaction out of him. And it is usually physical. He may bite his hands or stomp around fussing. Or, direct his frustrations toward me and may grab me, pull on my clothing, dig fingers into my arm, slap (not with open hand force)/swipe at me, etc. All annoying things that I could do without!
If you had siblings, cousins, or neighbors that you played with as a child, you probably played some sort of chase or game to antagonize the other. If I remember right, there was something we did chasing each other—getting a good tap in and saying, “touched you last”. Jacob has a thing about having to touch us last. He has to get the last lick in. Not that we are punching each other but seems his nature is, ‘I have to touch you last’. Sometimes it is funny.
But not always. There are days he absolutely brings out the WORST in me. That’s the brutal, honest truth. Seriously, I take all I can and then I don’t like who I become. Please tell me I’m not the only one who can become a dreadful being no one wants to be around. And especially not claim as their mom! Shameful when I realize my behavior has set a really crummy example. I let him get the best of me and it is maddening. He knows which buttons to push. Don’t your children know those buttons?
Last night he got me good as we were getting him ready for bed and I walked out of his bedroom MAD. (Brutally honest.) I may or may not have slammed his door on my way out. This morning I felt like his mood matched the one I was in last night. It was a painful reminder and I deserved his attitude. He proceeded to show out. It didn’t take long though and he calmed down and seemed to be in a better mood. But as I was trying to get him moving toward the garage, he had to get in one more swipe at me. ‘Touched you last!’ This time, I was able to laugh it off. He deserved some grace.
“I don’t like you, but I love you.”
Could be Jacob singing to me or me singing to him. You pick. I have a feeling he thinks it as often as I do. Thankfully love runs deep and we don’t have to always like each other.
Updated with photo added March 9th. We went out to eat last night and this was from my fortune cookie. I literally laughed out loud. Some would say Confucius is trying to tell me something. I think God has a sense of humor. Mike assured me Jacob will let me back in.